Pilot
The Pilot is the pilot episode of The Smashers, and as such the first story of the series. It takes place at the beginning of the Super Smash Bros. Charged tournament, where veterans and newcomers alike move into the new Smash Mansion. In particular it focuses on how the newcomers try to fit in and how the veterans try to get used to living with such an awkward batch of characters. Plot "AND THEY'RE OFF!" It was late at night, and everyone in the Smash Mansion was fast asleep. Well, mostly everyone. Master Hand and Crazy Hand were wide awake watching a Yo'ster Isle race on TV in their office. "NoW, reMEMBer thE DEaL we MAde," Crazy Hand cackled. "Yes, I remember," Master Hand answered. "If Scrambled Egg wins, you get to pick the Charged tournament's newcomers, and if Egg Whites wins, I get to pick them." To be frank, Master Hand had no idea how Crazy Hand dragged him into this bet. It was always tradition for him to pick the newcomers for each Super Smash Bros. tournament. It was his idea, a place where the most well-known and famous people in the world would come together to compete in a test of strength, skill, wits, and endurance. The concept alone immediately gained traction, and as more and more faces began partaking in battle, popularity escalated to unimaginable levels. The Ultimate tournament, which was the most recent one, was by far the most popular, bringing everyone previously in the roster back to the battlefield, pleasing fans across the globe. It was a success, both commercially and financially, and Master Hand was proud. And of course, each newcomer was chosen with tact, taking all the possible elements into account; popularity, abilities that could make fights interesting, how much the fans have requested them, and so on and so forth. He knew better than to let Crazy Hand select them; with how erratic an unpredictable he was, one wrong move could ruin the whole balance and bring Super Smash Bros. down with it. And yet here he was, risking the fate of the series' future on a single Yoshi race. "It looks like Egg Whites has taken the lead over Scrambled Egg!" the announcer called. "He may just win the championship race!" "Come on, come on..." Master Hand muttered, fear of losing the bet overcoming him. "Oh boy, now Scrambled Egg is in the lead! Wait, Egg Whites caught up! They're neck and neck, it's anybody's game now!" Both Yoshis gave it everything they had in the final leg of the race, running as fast as they could to beat the other. In no time at all, both of them crossed the finish line at the same time. This, of course, made both hands tense in anticipation. "Wow, that was a really close race! So close that nobody knows who won!" the announcer said. "Let's take a look at the slow-motion replay." A replay shot by the finish line then began playing, showing Scrambled Egg and Egg White approaching the finish line. When they both crossed it, Scrambled Egg only barely passed his opponent and crossed it first. "It looks like the Yo'ster Isle Racing champion this year is SCRAMBLED EGG! Winning by 65 MILLISECONDS! I've never seen a race that close before!" "WHAT THE FUCK!?" Master Hand shouted as he grabbed the TV and threw it out the window out of anger. After huffing for a few seconds, he sighed and laid on the ground. "WeLL weLl Well," Crazy Hand gloated. "It SEEMs lIKE i GeT To PICk the CHaRgED NewComErs now!" "Oh Arceus help me," Master Hand said as he sighed again. ---- "So you're SURE someone someone broke in the room and stole the Hands' TV?" Isabelle asked. "That's-a what Master said," Mario answered. "Well, not like it matters anyway," Isabelle said. "Today is moving day after all!" Indeed, it was moving day. Every new Super Smash Bros. tournament, the fighters would all stay in the Smash Mansion between their sets. And every time more newcomers were added, they would have to move to a new, bigger mansion to accommodate everyone. All the veterans would board the Smash Train to be taken to the new mansion, and all the newcomers would be picked up and brought in later that day. Right now, Mario and Isabelle at the station right by the mansion, watching for the Smash Train to arrive. In no time at all, it came into sight, and pulled into the station. The conductor, a Lakitu, flew out of the train, greeting the two Smashers. "It's that time again, isn't it?" the Lakitu asked. "Yup!" Isabelle answered. "The Ultimate tournament is coming to a close, and the Charged one is beginning!" "Thanks for taking us to-a these new mansions for all-a these years," Mario said. "Super Smash-a Bros. wouldn't be where it-a is today without-a you." "Hey don't sweat it," the Lakitu said. "Now are you gonna get the others or what? We're on a tight schedule here." "Of course!" Isabelle said. "Come on Mr. Mario, we have to tell everyone we're ready to depart." Mario nodded and followed Isabelle inside the train station. Inside stood the rest of the Smashers, all of various shapes, sizes, and colors, with their luggage. Some brought entire suitcases with them, and others brought a single duffel bag. Conversation was at an all-time high, and with the echo inside the building, it was near impossible for anyone to hear each other. So it was a relief that Isabelle always had a megaphone ready. "ATTENTION EVERYONE!" Isabelle called. Everyone stopped chatting and turned their attention to Mario and Isabelle. "Thank you," she said. "The Smash Train has just arrived, and we'll be boarding very soon. Since the Hands put us in charge, we request you to be polite, respectful to your fellow passengers, and board in a nice, orderly fashion. Any questions?" Almost everyone raised their hand. "No, the Smash Train-a still doesn't have-a wifi," Mario said. Almost everyone lowered their hands except Bowser Jr. "Yes?" Isabelle asked. "What are they serving at the buffet?" Bowser Jr. asked. "They're serving pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs for breakfast!" Isabelle answered. "Very delicious!" In almost a blur, everyone rushed out of the building and into the station to try and get to the buffet as quick as possible, trampling over Isabelle in the process. Soon enough the only ones left are Isabelle and Mario. "Probably shouldn't have-a said that," Mario said. "I... know..." Isabelle muttered as she got up. ---- With everyone rushing to the food car to get some of that good breakfast food, the Smash Train was fully boarded in no time flat. Long lines formed across cars of the Smashers waiting to get their meal. Pit came walking to the front car with two plates in his hand, sitting next to Palutena. "Here you go Lady Palutena," Pit said. "Two pancakes, bacon, and syrup, like you asked." "Thank you, Pit," Palutena giggled as he ruffled his hair. "So are you excited about the new mansion? I hear it's even bigger than the old one." "You bet I am!" Pit said. "I don't even know how they made a bigger one. The Ultimate mansion was so huge!" "Have to wonder how the Hands even get the money for this," Palutena added. Just as she was about to take a bite of her pancake, a banana peel landed square on her food, and then another on her head. Pit had to do his best to not laugh. "Don't," the Goddess of Light said sternly. She turned around behind her seat to see Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong gorging on bananas they packed, and throwing the peels everywhere. "Really?" Palutena asked. "Are bananas all you two care about?" Diddy Kong answered by throwing a peel in her face. Pit tried even harder not to laugh. "I said don't," she warned. "Don't try to convince those apes bananas aren't a gift from the Gods," King K. Rool said as he walked down to his own seat with a boatload of scrambled eggs. "Believe me, I've tried." "Only to take those bananas for yourself," Ridley said from behind, eating his own meal. "You know I don't like those slimy excuses for food!" K. Rool shot back. "I only stole them to take over the island." "Sure you did," Ridley chuckled as he slurped down a strip of bacon. Meanwhile, the Duck Hunt dog and duck were heading to the back of the train with their plate of food. The duck held a plate of pancakes in his wings while the dog was carrying a bowl of dog food. However, they weren't looking and accidentally bumped into Banjo and Kazooie, who almost dropped their food. "Hey, tell your mutt to watch where he's going!" Kazooie barked. "Kazooie!" Banjo said in shock. "He is not a mutt! He's a purebred bloodhound!" "I'm not in the mood, Breegull," the duck replied. "Just tell tubby over here to step aside so we can get to our seats." "Well... I guess I could have got the small pancakes..." Banjo said quietly. "Hey, leave the insults to me, ugly duckling!" Kazooie snapped. "It's 7:30 in the morning," the duck said as he flew right into Kazooie's face. "Do you REALLY wanna ride this train!?" "Choo choo," Kazooie taunted. "THAT'S IT!" the duck yelled as he plunged right into Kazooie. Banjo's backpack closed over them, leaving them to fight inside. Banjo quickly took off the backpack and left it by one of the seats. "Hey, my seat is right at the front," Banjo said. "Wanna join me?" The dog happily barked as he followed Banjo to his seat, leaving the two birds. They walked past through the food car, where they could see Sonic standing at the buffet. "What do you mean you're not serving chili dogs?" Sonic asked. "Dude, it's 7:30," the Volbonan behind the counter said. "So what?" Sonic replied. "Hey, you mind hurrying up?" Falco said from behind. "Some of us are real hungry." "Fine," Sonic sighed as he got a couple pancakes. "'Good service' my spiny blue butt." From across the room, Kirby was stuffing his mouth with any food he could find. "Hey, you mind getting any eating normally?" Roy said from behind, handing Kirby a plate. "Save some for the rest of us." Kirby simply inhaled the plate whole. Roy them facepalmed and just got his own food. "Why do I even bother?" Mario nor Isabelle were particularly hungry, so they sat together in the front car, luggage in hand. Commotion around the Smash Train was loud, but everyone seemed to have gotten used to it. "Mr. Mario?" Isabelle asked. "Yeah?" Mario said. "I just want to say thank you for letting me be your assistant for this tournament," she said warmly. "No, thank-a you," Mario said, chuckling. "With all the new-a guys coming in, I could have really used-a the help. Being leader isn't so-a easy." "You're telling me," Isabelle said, wiping the sweat off her forehead. "It's hard work, but it sure does pay off!" "I suppose," Mario said. "Anyway, you-a wanna be my assistant again?" "Of course!" Isabelle said, smiling. She tried to say something else, but was interrupted by the intercom. ---- "WELCOME ALL SMASHERS TO THE SIXTH EDITION OF THE SUPER SMASH BROS. TOURNAMENTS!" came the announcer's commanding voice. "Oh come on, who the heck is this?" Dark Pit grunted. "I AM THE ANNOUNCER, PITTOO, A NEW ADDITION TO THE TOURNAMENT. MASTER HAND AND CRAZY HAND HAVE REQUESTED ME TO HELP WITH THE HOSTING SINCE THIS WILL BE THE BIGGEST TOURNAMENT YET!" "So does that mean you're gonna be with us the whole tournament?" Fox asked. "CORRECT! YOU ARE ALL ON THE SMASH TRAIN RIGHT NOW, AND WE'RE ABOUT TO START HEADING TO THE NEW MANSION YOU WILL BE STAYING IN BETWEEN YOUR SETS! AS ALWAYS, YOUR ROOMMATES HAVE ALREADY BEEN DECIDED, AND YES, THAT MEANS ONE OF YOU WILL BE UNLUCKY ENOUGH TO SHARE A ROOM WITH WARIO!" Groans were heard from all across the train. "HEY NOW, YOU ALL HAVE TREATED OUR SMELLY FRIEND WONDERFULLY OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS. ANY ROOMMATE CHANGE REQUESTS CAN BE MADE AT THE OFFICE WITH MASTER HAND OR CRAZY HAND. WE ALSO HAVE AN EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE: IF YOU ALL WOULD REACH UNDER YOUR SEATS, YOU'LL FIND A SMALL PACKAGE!" Everyone shuffled to look under their seats, and sure enough found a package. Everyone opened it to find a large device with the Super Smash Bros. insignia on the back. "The heck is this supposed to be?" Captain Falcon asked. "I'M GLAD YOU ASKED! THAT IS A SMASHPAD, YOUR OWN PERSONAL COMMUNICATION DEVICE! IT'S A BRAND NEW FEATURE FOR EASY COMMUNICATION AROUND THE MANSION, AND EVERYONE HAS ONE OF THEIR OWN!" "I think Piranha Plant already ate his," Luminary said. Sure enough, beside him, Piranha Plant was trying to scarf down his SmashPad like it was a meal. "DON'T WORRY, IF YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL PROPERTIES THAT COULD MAKE USING A MOBILE DEVICE HARDER, EXAMPLES INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: CLAWS, FIRE, HAVING NO FINGERS OR OPPOSABLE THUMBS, BEING 2D, BEING THE SIZE OF A DIME, BEING A LITERAL FLOWER, THEN DON'T WORRY, THEY HAVE ALL BEEN ACCOUNTED FOR! THESE COME FREE OF CHARGE AND RUN ON SPECIAL TECHNOLOGY THAT ALLOWS THEM TO HAVE INFINITE BATTERY LIFE!" "Can we use it on the Smash Train?" Bowser asked. "NO YOU CAN'T! WE STILL DON'T HAVE WIFI! ALSO, IF YOU WANT TO CUSTOMIZE IT TO SUIT YOUR OWN PERSONAL NEEDS AND TASTES, THERE ARE OPTIONS FOR THAT TOO!" "Whoa, check it out!" Luigi shouted. "I can make mine green!" "...WONDERFUL LUIGI! NOW, WE ARE ABOUT TO DEPART FROM THE STATION! DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?" "Do you have to yell so fucking loud?" Ganondorf asked. "By gods, you're gonna raise the Re-Deads!" "YES I DO! IF THAT'S ALL, THEN PLEASE ENJOY YOUR RIDE. ALLLLL ABOOOOOOOOOOARD!" And with that, the Smash Train departed the station, heading for the new Smash Mansion. ---- "They weren't kidding when they said the Smash Mansion was bigger," Peach said in disbelief. "No they weren't," Zelda said. Bigger indeed it was. The previous Smash Mansion was already large, it had to house over 80 residents after all, but this was almost three times as big. And complete with a beautiful courtyard with fountains, memorial statues of all the Original 12 fighters, and even an outdoor replica of Battlefield for sparring. "Man, I look good," Captain Falcon said, admiring his statue. It was him charging up for his signature Falcon Punch. "Nah, I think I look better," Yoshi said in regard to his own statue. It was him balancing on a stack of Yoshi Eggs. "Can-a we stop measuring sausage sizes and get inside?" Mario asked. And with that, with the entire veteran cast following him, he pushed open the gates that led inside the courtyard. Almost immediately, Sonic ran past him, running up the front steps and standing at the front door. "Ya'll should step it up," Sonic laughed. "I'm still the fastest around here!" It wasn't long before everyone piled into the mansion to explore. The interior was breathtaking; purple wallpaper, nice carpeted floors, and more importantly, air conditioning. There were two big staircases on either side of the entrance that led to the above floors, and between them was a giant room with couches, chairs, tables, TVs, and Nintendo consoles galore. It looked more like a castle than a mansion. "So, this is where we're staying, huh?" Shulk commented. "Have to say, I like it," Falco said. "WELCOME EVERYONE TO THE SMASH MANSION!" the announcer's voice boomed through the hallways. "You gotta be kidding me, he's here too?" Samus sighed. "OF COURSE I AM, SAMUS! YOU ARE ALL FREE TO EXPLORE THE MANSION TO YOUR HEART'S CONTENT. RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU IS THE FOYER WHERE YOU CAN RELAX AND LOUNGE, AND YOU WILL ALSO FIND THE DINING ROOM THAT WILL BE SERVING ALL THREE MEALS A DAY AND HAVE FREE ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT SNACKS 24 HOURS A DAY!" "I'm liking this place already!" King Dedede laughed. "UPSTAIRS YOU WILL FIND YOUR DORM ROOMS. IF YOU WISH TO SEE WHAT ROOMS YOU WILL BE STAYING IN AND / OR WANT TO GO TO YOUR DORM ROOM, THERE IS A GIANT BULLETIN BOARD IN THE FOYER THAT WILL TELL YOU YOUR DESIGNATED ROOM! WE HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR STAY!" With that, everyone went their separate ways. Some, like Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong, wanted to explore every nook and cranny of this place. Others, like Kirby, PAC-MAN, and King K. Rool went straight to the dining room to see what snacks were available. And then there were ones like Wolf, Shulk, and Robin who decided to take a rest in the foyer and take everything in. Mario and Isabelle decided to head for the bulletin board to see where their dorm rooms were. Sure enough, they were both assigned to room 1A on the second floor. "Wow Mr. Mario!" Isabelle said. "We're going to share a room again!" "Wouldn't-a have it any other way with my-a helper," Mario said. The two decided to take their luggage and head upstairs to settle in. ---- Little Mac: So Pit: So? Wario: So Villager: So Daisy: Os Yoshi: Special Agent Oso Wolf: Really? Really? THIS is how we're starting this stupid thing? Typical. Wario: Jeez, what's your problem? We're just having fun. Daisy: I guess Wolf is the No Fun Police. Wolf: Alright, I'm going to bed. Yoshi: But it's 4:30. Wolf: I know. ANNOUNCER: SO I SEE ALL OF YOU ARE DISCOVERING THE CAPABILITIES OF YOUR SMASH PADS! Yoshi: Do you REALLY need to type in all caps? ANNOUNCER: YES I DO! AND BY THE WAY, OUR NEWCOMERS WILL BE ARRIVING LATER TODAY AT 8:30, SO I WANT ALL OF YOU TO BE RESPECTFUL TO OUR HOUSEMATES! IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS FOR THE HANDS, I CAN ANSWER FOR YOU SINCE THEY'RE AWAY FOR THE TIME BEING! Isabelle: I have a question, why did a lot of the veterans only have one room? ANNOUNCER: THOSE ROOMS WILL BE SHARED WITH A NEWCOMER! WE KEPT THEM BLANK BECAUSE WE WANTED THEM TO BE A SURPRISE! Falco: Can't wait to see the sucker who has to bunk with Wario. Sonic: I'm in the room next to his and it already smells like garlic. Wario: Oh shut up, you all are just jealous of my wonderful scent! Daisy: Yeah, wonderfully awful. Wario: Whatever, I'm going back to the buffet to get more snacks. Don't come looking for me. Yoshi: We weren't planning to. Isabelle: So... can we change the subject? Corrin: What is this strange tome? Corrin: Oh, it knows my name. Corrin: And what I'm saying. Falco: Would you look at that, grandma's first time on a phone. Wii Fit Trainer: Me and Ryu are hosting a sparring session in the courtyard. Would any of you care to join? Yoshi: I'll pass. I need to rest. Falco: Nah. Little Mac: No Villager: Why are you training anyway? Matches don't start until the day after tomorrow. Wii Fit Trainer: You can never be too prepared, especially after a workout. Daisy: Speak for yourself, you do like 100 laps a day. Yoshi: You also only eat kale. Wii Fit Trainer: Being on a strict diet helps keep your body in shape. Yoshi: Look, there are plenty of other things I'd rather eat then shredded-up grass in a smoothie. Little Mac: Ye Yoshi: Hey, why are you only typing in two-letter words? Falco: ...He's wearing boxing gloves... Daisy: So take them off??? Little Mac: No Isabelle: Can we PLEASE change the subject? Who do you all think the newcomers will be? Falco: All I'm gonna say is that I hope Waluigi isn't one of them, because then I owe Fox $200. Daisy: I don't care who gets in as long as I get to kick their asses. Villager: We always get a new Pokemon, so I'm guessing we're getting one of those. ANNOUNCER: ALL OF THESE QUESTIONS AND MORE WILL BE ANSWERED WHEN THE NEWCOMERS ARRIVE! UNTIL THEN, I REQUEST THAT ALL OF YOU BEHAVE YOURSELVES! Isabelle: Don't worry Mr. Announcer, we will! Yoshi: Who's this announcer guy supposed to be anyway? ANNOUNCER: THAT IS CLASSIFIED INFORMATION! BANJO: GUYS! WE FORGOT KAZOOIE AND DUCK! I LEFT MY BACKPACK ON THE TRAIN! RICHTER: Relax Banjo, the Smash Train is coming later this evening. BANJO: Oh Jiggies, Kazooie is gonna kill me for this! FALCO: Surprised she hasn't done that by now.